When Life is Different than You Planned

If you were to ask my family, they’d tell you I never planned on getting married or having children. Here I am now, married for a year and a half and with a newborn.

Life has a way of bringing you what you need, which is not always what you want…or had planned for yourself.

I was whole before I was married. I was whole before I had a child.

I have been more than pleasantly surprised by how these two things have revealed new things about myself.

Being a parent is hard. I’m only 4 weeks into this journey and I can say: it is hard. My initial c-section recovery was difficult in a way I cannot put to words…yet. We had not planned on our son being born in that way, but at the end of the day, our health and safety was number one.

My emotions and thoughts around our shared birth experience are still tender and raw and one day I will address them here.

I have found it to be true what is said: your heart now lives outside of your chest. Everything has shifted and warped and I am more protective of myself, my family and my time.

I have only just begun to understand this new role in my life and it is a journey and process that will unfold for the rest of my life.

I do not know what kind of mom I will be. I have only begun to scratch the surface of what motherhood is.

For now? I will soak up every sleepy snuggle, diaper change and late night with my baby.